this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
