he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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