My cat gives me a boner
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
