hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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