I didn't shave. On purpose
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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