I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
