she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
