I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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