if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
