Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
