Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
