Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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