I could make wine with my vomit
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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