So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
