Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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