Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
