I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
