this just has baby written all over it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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