I bet he comes in French.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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