R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
