Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
