If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
