Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
