I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
