I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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