craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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