Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
