Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
