i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
