Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
