Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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