is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
