Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
