this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
