Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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