If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
