so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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