No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
