It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
