wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
