just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
