I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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