he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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