Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
