Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
