After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
