I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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