we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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