He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
