i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
