My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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