the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
