he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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