You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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