Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
