In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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