Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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