One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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