Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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