sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize