He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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