i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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