I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
