I think I died a long time ago.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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