ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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