yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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