I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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