I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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