Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
