No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
