Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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