i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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