the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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