10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
