Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
