but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you win again, gameday.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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