He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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