yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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